A reflection on a mis-spent winter

Our deck dragon is being investigated by the kitties in this photo. While my discourse has nothing to do with either cats or dragons, it is significant that one is in the dragon's belly while the other peers in. Because, this little offering has a lot to do with bellies, mine.

When I was just going on teen years, one of my teachers came up with the startling revelation that we did not feel absolute hot or cold, but felt the difference between our body temperature and that of the environment or object we were touching. I took this as gospel. If you look closely, you will find it in letters of gold upon my forehead along with other vital facts imparted by the St. Louis public school system to its students.

I began to ponder this temperature differential thing. Somewhere in January or February, I came to the conclusion that if you were to cool the body temperature sufficiently, you would be much more at ease out of doors on a cold winter's day. Obviously, my young mind had not been exposed to the custom of diving into snow after a long sauna bath or any of the other tricks that northern European, Scandinavian and Russians used to amuse themselves during their long winter days.

Suiting the action to the theory, I consumed as much ice cream as I could find. A household of four children and reasonably indulgent parents afforded rather more than was good for me. But when I had eaten all I could hold, with the beginnings of an ice cream headache, I donned swim trunks and headed for the great outdoors.

I must have been tougher than I am now. I lasted until my mother saw me dancing on the frosty lawn and commanded me inside. Yes, I was chilled through and through. In fact, I had managed to get myself iced enough to be sick for the best part of the weekend.

For the scientific minded of my readers who may wish to replicate my delving into crude cryogenics, I weighed 70 or 80 pounds and managed to eat about a quart (say 2 pounds) of ice cream. That would have been 1.2% to 1.4% of my body weight. I'm guessing that the outside temperature that day would have been in the low to mid 30's.

Disclaimer: The author specifically denies encouraging anyone to duplicate this experiment and also denies any lawful or financial responsibility for the consequences to those who are silly enough to try it.